The Fat-o-Sphere Talks About Fetishes: Sexy Fat Pink Elephant Roundup
Photo: Banksy’s elephant in the room, as part of his exhibit Barely Legal (via Social Panda)
Hi guys! Sorry I couldn’t get this up sooner—I’ve been 1.) sick and 2.) moving, which left me feeling like I couldn’t get my thoughts together enough to respond to all the amazing commentary.
A little back story: way back in March, I wrote Why Fat Fetishists and Fat Avtivists Never End Up In Bed Together. I was trying to address several things by writing it, many of which are more clearly defined in my mind now than they were a couple months ago, but the main focus was challenging the more problematic reactions to feederism, fat admiration, and fat fetishes that I’d seen in fat acceptance. It received mostly crickets, except for this thoughful reply from Fatty Unbound.
Fast-forward to this month. I’d written an email to Fatcasters Marianne Kirby and Lesley Kinzel about the remarks about feederism (they had in fact responded, but for some reason I never got the email), gone to the ‘11 Fat Girl Fleamarket, and sat in on a live taping of the Fatcast at Re/Dress, but still felt like I was struggling to simply start a conversation about these issues.The Village Voice article Guys Who Like Fat Chicks was circulating in the Tumblr fat-o-sphere, and I rehashed my old arguments about preference vs. type vs. fetish, linking to the old post about fat acceptance and feederism. I expected more crickets. Instead, Riots Not Diets read it, reblogged the now two-month old article and Tumblr went boom (in a good way). Here’s a roundup of some of my favorite responses:
Spitfire Emporium responded with their own experience of fetishes within the context of a long-term relationship: “This is very interesting in the context of how little most people understand about fetishes in general. Most public opinion is very negative and factually inaccurate, and these negatively biased views were what I held - despite having been involved in BDSM, i.e. familiar with other kinks - until I met my husband, who has a fetish (yes an actual fetish). By the ridiculous logic so often held about fetishes, he should only love me because of the part of my body related to my fetish, etc etc. To which I have to say, what the fuck? That’s not even remotely how fetishes work.”
Lesley Kinzel(!) warmed my heart with this response to both the article and my efforts to talk with her and Marianne about feederism: “I really appreciate your commitment to having this conversation, even though I’m sure it’s continually a challenge to fight through all the shitty assumptions people have.
“I do want to clarify my feelings on this though—-I’d never argue that a feeder relationship can’t take place in a loving and respectful way. I’ve no doubt it’s entirely possible, and even common. I just had not personally met anyone who had a positive experience with it (until I met you!) and my own knowledge of feederism is EXTREMELY limited. Like, I probably know more about quantum mechanics than I do feederism.”
Marcelle42 wrote a response to all the responses in Defining Terms, where they tried to take apart people’s responses to “fetish” vs. “preference”. They use Marx (I can’t comment on this one very well because, to steal from Lesley, I probably know more about quantum mechanics than I do Marx!) and some of the responses are interesting.
Finally, Marianne Kirby wrote That Sexy Fat Pink Elephant in the Room; Discussing Fat Fetishes, and Feederism: “While I think it’s totally valid to be uncomfortable with objectification, it makes ME deeply uncomfortable to see discomfort with fetishes and discomfort with objectification conflated in this way. Because it’s damaging both to fetishists AND to people who just think your ass is attractive.
“I’m not advocating that you disregard your instincts in any particular moment. I’m advising that you sit down, when you aren’t in the middle of a situation, and figure out your motivations and whether or not it is worth trying to push the edges of your comfort zone a little bit. Our instincts are often good – but they aren’t always pure instinct either. We’re just as culturally constructed as everyone else.”
I’m going to try and take time in the next month to respond thoughtfully to everyone, but the fact that I sparked a discussion about rare and unusual fetishes and got almost no hateful comments still blows me away. Thanks so much for all the reblogs!
PEACE and LOVE
Peace and Love
Fat Positive Greeting Cards
http://www.etsy.com/listing/74175994/peace-and-love-fat-movement-greeting?ref=pr_shop
Dealing with fat hate: Family edition (by Margitte Kristjansson)
The prevailing logic seems to be that overweight people need to constantly be reminded that they’re unacceptably heavy (for their own good, natch). However shockingly enough, shaming overweight people and sending the message that their weight is a personal failure doesn’t do much good. When obese people internalize the anti-fat stigma, they’re more likely to become depressed and suffer from low self-esteem, which can lead to overeating, inactivity, and weight gain.
Rebecca Puhl, the director of research at Yale’s Rudd Center Rudd Center for Food Policy and Obesity and co-author of the study, points out that it’s actually harmful to suggest that being fat is so shameful that people’s heads must not be shown to protect their privacy. She says:
“News photographs degrade and dehumanize obese individuals when they show them with their heads cut out of images, as isolated body parts, or with an unflattering emphasis on excess weight. They become symbols of an epidemic rather than valued members of society.”
been thinking about those posts going up with pictures of beautiful black women as a critique of the Satoshi Kanazawa article (the one “objectively” wondering why black women are not beautiful) the one at Feministe in particular—
what his “research” was addressing was not rich black hollywood women. it was addressing poor black women. *BMI* was the key code word for me (although the “testosterone” thing was also a code word). fat is associated with poor—and when you mix together race, gender and “fat” you get “poor, black, fat” (or welfare queens—or, for latinas, “illegals”)—
he’s talking about black women in Detroit or Flint or Philly or any other “urban” area. he’s talking about the women in hip/hop, and Sophia. The young Venus and Serena. he’s talking about the “crazy” black mother who shot a gun at the police (oh, yeah, to protect her daughter from the state). he’s talking about the women who black men make fun of all over youtube—the ones who dye their hair blond and “let themselves go.” Because they didn’t know there was a difference between apple ass and disgusting (as the men are so eager to tell us).
And when women are not Claire Huxtable—when they’re gun wielding rather than tongue lashing—when they’re “masculine” (another code word), when they wear beads and have massive titties that nourish their children by different fathers—that’s when you get fucked up racist bullshit telling us how ugly they are. I mean—beyonce gets fucked up shit. Michelle Obama *def* gets fucked up shit. I’m not saying rich black women *don’t*—I’m instead saying—the poor black mother of four in Detroit michigan is the standard beyonce and Obama are *measured* by. The distance they can put between themselves and that poor black mother. Or, what LiquornSpice said.
and yeah—just kinda dissatisfied with some of the responses…
I LIED! The bondage skirt fits *YOU TOO!
*Anyone from a 2XS-3XL will fit into the bondage skirt :)
So I did some tests and fittings of the bondage skirt, and it turns out there’s no need to make 5 sizes from S-2XL, I really only needed 2-3 sizes max to fit those measurements (thanks to the wonders of elasticity)
Because of the time and effort I saved with this discovery, 4 sizes are currently in production to cover XS-3XL :) so more of you lovelies get to wear this fab design!
The sizes are as follows
and most importantly!!
I’m happy with stock levels!!! So the skirt goes on sale tomorrow (It’s already Monday in Sydney) »»»>TUESDAY 17th May! 12:00AM EST or 7:00AM PDT*«««<
*PDT because google analytics says most of my followers reside in CA!
(The bondage shorts and bathers will be up soon!!!)
xx
Gisela
Dear Gisela:
I love you! Seriously, you have no idea how excited I am to discover that I can buy this skirt without needing to get other smaller fats to request it, too. Thank you so much for figuring this out!
-Meems
Maranda, size 16 US / 18 UK
IT’S SWIMSUIT SEASON!!!
So… This is me at Marks & Spencer shopping for a new suit. I bought the last 2 (on the far right). This is going to be the year I’m wearing a bikini. THAT’S IT. Life is too short for me to be sitting on the sidelines, hating myself. Shoot, I even had a slice of pizza BEFORE going shopping… A few years ago, I wouldn’t even dared to look at pizza before swimsuit shopping. It was such a good day!
I hope a couple of you will embrace the bikini this summer with me!
